Dear Reader,

I had a joyful trip down to Fresno, California for a long awaited in-person Ren Xue retreat. It was a long journey with 3 connections but delightful people experiences along the way. My arrival back in Canada had a bumpier landing and a fresh opportunity to have a look at how my patterns are doing out in the ordinary world.

I’ll highlight some observations and patterns as I tell you the story. I’m aware there are more-it's ok if you don't email me to tell me about them:)

It may be interesting for you to notice how your patterns see things in your own head as you read this story with my internal commentary in parentheses.

If you aren't in the mood for reading much, you can skip to the end for the possible takeaways.

In Praise of Humanness: A Patterned Tale of My Wayward Bag

I gate-check my bag in San Francisco. This means I’m “helping out” because the cabin is full. I expect to see my carry-on bag causally go round a carousel at my interim stop in Calgary (fixed expectations).

No bag. Off to baggage services. “Go back,” they said. “More is coming.”

Nothing more is coming I notice. Hey look, the conveyor belt has stopped. Off to baggage services. They check the computer. “Yes, your bag is in Calgary but sometimes it falls off the belt. We’ll call the guys to check. Go back to the carousel.”

The other women missing bags find theirs. I’m noticing that I’m tired. I’ve been on the road for 12.5 hours and waiting for my bag for an hour now. I am grumpy that “helping out” has been so unhelpful for me. (self-centeredness and perhaps greedy about my time).

I go back to baggage services. “It’s here. It will come. Go back to the carousel,” they said.

“My bag is not there,” I reply.

I’d like to tell you I was kind but I was hard-edged and grumpy. We could try calling this assertive and working on my patterns around self-expression but it was not actually coming from the right place inside. He was not listening to me and I was triggered by the condescension and lack of humanness. I could have been talking to a robot based on the responses I was getting. He eventually said he’d go look. I think he took a coffee break. (That observation could be from a pattern:))

A lovely young woman swoops in with some empathy (ah, I see. That’s actually what I was looking for along with being heard). She makes some phone calls, starts filling paperwork (oh the dreaded paperwork), gives me the mobile number of a supervisor to call in the morning, asks what time I’d be awake and if it was ok to bring it to the hotel. If not, call the number when you check-in for your early morning flight so someone can bring it to you.

I’d actually been trying to check-in with both my phone and computer and kept getting an error and blank web page. (I’m super tired and triggered by inhuman systems that don’t work. For short I’ll call that the “systems” pattern because this will come up again…)

I call for the hotel shuttle. The hotel agent agrees to book my shuttle for the next morning too but my request does not follow the system which requires me to be at the hotel to make the request (I’m mildly annoyed again because it’s 1 a.m. and not much is happening at the front desk at the hotel I’ve already paid for so why can’t I book a shuttle for a few hours from now too? I notice my pattern of control, relief in my desired outcome, and therefore lack of trust at how things actually are).

I have plenty of time to reflect while waiting 30 minutes for the shuttle which is "5 minutes away."

I miss my toothbrush.

I don’t sleep well and reflect on whether I am concerned about the things in my meandering bag. (I am checking on attachments.) I can buy all of it again (I’m annoyed at the potential of wasting time for this). Also, I can’t replace my poncho. I bought it from an Andean healer whose mamma made it by hand from local Alpaca wool and natural dyes. (Maybe it wasn’t his mamma. Maybe I remembered that wrong but I like the story? Wonder what pattern that is? Ah, False Self creating its own world of likes and dislikes. Pattern of identification.) My poncho has also been to every retreat for a decade and holds my Qi from all my sitting practices. (Sad but surprisingly not overly triggering). I’m amazed at how many small items can add up to $1000. I think maybe I should be stressed about this but I’m not yet and go to sleep. (I included the word ‘yet’ so am I expecting to be stressed later and making more fixed expectations?)

Both the hotel clerk and shuttle driver on the way back to the airport ask if I got any sleep because they just saw me a few hours ago (I notice my eyes are woefully tired but I’m less grumpy.)

No one in the domestic terminal can help with my bag situation despite last night’s promises. I call the supervisor’s mobile number. No one answers. I’m fairly certain no one is ever going to answer that number (fixed expectations but also true). I head through security and start looking for a baggage services number on the airport directory and then for a phone number for the airline I came in on.

I’ll skip the details but imagine spending 1.25 hrs getting phone menus that bring you back to the same place (I notice the word “useless” creep in several times and also as I reflect on the baggage services man the night before. I must still have an “I’m useless pattern” roaming around within me).

I eventually get a person on the phone. She kept repeating “our system shows your bag is in Calgary” “go to baggage services” and does not listen to anything I say including that I don’t live here so I can’t go to baggage services again and besides, I just spent 2 hours with them…(It was only 1.25 hours. Exaggerating and debasing is now present). “No, I can’t give you the number to baggage services (systems pattern and lack of humanness highly activated)…”go to baggage services”. I’m really not happy (lack of trust, desire to control, frustrated with lack of humanness…)

I ask to speak to her manager. She promises someone will call in the next 30 minutes to one hour and that is the timeframe despite me being on a flight then. (I think about how asking a pattern or the False Self to speak to a manager is not helpful in dissolving unhealthy patterns. This is the wrong ‘manager’). The manager does not ever call.

I ask the gate agent for help despite knowing it isn’t her job. She smiles and digs into the computer. Her colleague arrives and they work together. They can’t find my bag because it’s under another system (system…my bag is lost in limbo and caught between countries, airlines, numbers, and systems with no actual humans involved).

Except two fabulous gate agents who actually start to call PEOPLE! (ah, human connection. How wonderful! But I’m also noticing my desire for an outcome creeping in so I’m not exactly Ding…).

Someone has my bag at baggage services and the gate agent goes through the process of explaining how I can’t go to another terminal and back through security again because my flight leaves soon and I don’t actually live in Calgary. (I notice my “happiness” at the ideas of “proactive” and “novel”). She hands me the phone and a nice human voice says she will check it through to my final destination and not chase me from airport to airport (I have two more flights to get home.) The agents in front of me decline my offer of coffee but do get a big smile which makes me happy (my pattern of people pleasing? desire for attention?)

No bag at final destination. I wait at the counter noticing I’m not annoyed at waiting. I’m not annoyed that my bag has not arrived, but I am very annoyed that I can’t even make a baggage delayed report on the website because my bag tag is not listed in my flight information and there is no way to add the info that it was “gate checked” on the code shared airline yadda yadda. (systems and lack of humanness present. How far down the bull’s horn do we need to go with all the automated systems anyway? I start adding up all the time I’ve spent so far trying to get my bag…I’m definitely in a pattern.)

A lovely gate agent arrives, listens, spends 30 minutes creating a file for my bag and takes care of all the missing pieces with numerous notes because I don’t “fit the system”. She sends a message to Calgary and I trust a human will actually get it. (I also notice that I’m a little too happy at the potential outcome and put this under my list of patterns.)

The next day…a new agent says there is no bag in the office but the file says it’ll be on the next flight. (oh, wow. It’s in the system?). "Come back in forty minutes."

I have a great walk on the beach with my dog who I missed.

No bag on that carousel when I get back. Hmm. I wait at the counter for 45 minutes (Not much mind commentary here so I reflect on how much better I do with patterns if I have proper Qi and sleep. Not new information but good to notice).

The gate agent is kind, listens to the weird bag problem, and starts sleuthing. She asks the other agent for help several times because she hasn’t worked in this bag tracker system and can’t find what she wants. I marvel at her tenacity. She checks five airports for my wayward bag and then asks someone from another airline a question about the process (Seeking help from the competition. Nice.)

She clicks a button and breaks into a huge smile. She found a new page that suggests this other airline might actually have my bag. She asks the human at the other airline if they have my bag and gets sent into the secure cargo area to look.

And there it is in her hand as she walks back to me. It has a huge RUSH tag on it.

All I could see on that tag was the love and care some human on the other end put into it. They sent it via a completely different airline so I would not have to wait. They added detailed notes.

I suppose I could have been annoyed that someone at this end did not read the tag and follow the instructions on what to do with it so I could actually get it – but I was not.

I was joyful that a human found my bag because she was willing to play around on the computer and get to a page that no one else may have actually seen if they had been following routine.

She changed a pattern!

She did not want an actual hug but received it metaphorically.

A few possible takeaways from this story:

a) kindness goes a long way;

b) every event is an opportunity to observe patterns even if they seem like “happy” patterns;

c) sleep and Qi are helpful in managing one’s own patterns so that we don’t’ create more disharmony (within ourselves and towards others) and to help true Jue Cha be present (awareness from True Self);

d) a willingness to play, investigate, and try something new can lead to creating surprising and positive outcomes;

e) human connection trumps automated systems just like heart-Shen connection trumps outdated and automated systemic internal patterns; and

f) sometimes we need to go into the secured areas, away from automated carousels, to find what we need.

I'm sure you can find some other metaphors here too.

How goes your carousel of patterns on the quest for finding true humanness?

Wu Xin,

Stephanie

p.s. With gratitude to Victoria, Amal, Pascale, Sara, and Jacqueline for their willingness to connect as humans and go beyond a patterned response to help a weary traveller and her wayward bag caught between systems.

(I did not ask for permission to print their names so I’ve rearranged the order I met them. The story covers 2 countries, 3 airlines, and many airports so I think mentioning them is ok.)

I'm Stephanie Ross, a senior Ren Xue Yuan Qigong teacher, poet, and writer living on Vancouver Island, Canada. You can learn more about me and life cultivation or read some of my poems and articles on my website.

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